


Just Take a Breath and Seal the Deal

by Adinskel



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Character-centric fic rather than ship-centric, Jeremy heere deserves the world, M/M, Other, Post-Squip, Squip comes back, Squip redemption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-03 07:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17279384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adinskel/pseuds/Adinskel
Summary: The Squip didn't disappear forever. He's back, and frustrated that Jeremy still can't see that he's only here to help





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Mechanics of Compromise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030985) by [eatreadandsleeprepeat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatreadandsleeprepeat/pseuds/eatreadandsleeprepeat). 



> The Mechanics of Compromise is a great fic. One of the best, especially at characterizing the SQUIP. I did my best to take that characterization and run with it in my own direction.

As much as Jeremy’s dad liked to think that he was finally stepping up to the plate, he didn’t instantly know how to be a good dad after spending so much time lazing about in his underwear. So while Jeremy may have been “grounded,” his life didn’t change much. He had a ten o’clock curfew, but if he asked permission to stay out later it was granted every time. The fact of the matter was that Jeremy’s dad was happy his son’s social circle included more than just Michael now, and everything seemed to be getting better after the fiasco at the play was over.

Little did he know, however, that everything was not, in fact, getting better. Jeremy slept a maximum of four hours each night, four hours that he tried his best to avoid; what little sleep he did get was plagued with nightmares. Even awake, he would occasionally hear the SQUIP’s voice echo in the back of his mind, with no clue if it was real or his imagination.

Brooke taught him how to use makeup to cover the circles under his eyes, and he kept on pretending that he wasn’t broken.

“I don’t understand,” he said at his lunch date with Christine. “I’ve had a crush on you for years. This should be everything I want. Something must be wrong with me.”

“Jeremy, it’s okay. Sometimes you have to try dating to know that it won’t work out.” Of course Christine had to have a positive outlook on the situation.

“No seriously. It was the biggest crush.”

“Sure it wasn’t a squish?” Christine asked, a slight teasing tone to her voice. Jeremy had no clue what she was referring to.

“A squish? What’s that?”

“A friend crush! Like, a more gentle form of crushing something is to squish it, right? At least I think that’s how it got the name.”

While he’s always thought Christine was pretty and smart and funny, he hadn’t actually put much thought into dating her, he realized. “Huh. Maybe. I didn’t know that was an option.”

_“Dumbass.”_

_Shut UP. You’re supposed to be gone._

_“You think a couple drops drunk by someone else is gonna kill me after living inside you for months? Guess again.”_

Hopefully Christine interpreted his pause as thinking about the possibility of a “squish,” rather than arguing with his SQUIP. “Anyway, Christine. Even if this isn’t a romantic thing, we can still have fun together. I was thinking of heading to the arcade after we finish eating?” Christine nodded excitedly.

She absolutely creamed him at Skeeball, but he didn’t mind. Laughing with her drowned out the voice inside his head. At least, until he got home.

_“You can’t ignore me forever Jeremy.”_

_Watch me._ Jeremy threw himself onto his bed and started browsing through Instagram.

_“You’re literally acknowledging my presence by thinking that.”_

_Oh, like I’m able to control my own thoughts. I’ll just get some Mountain Dew Red from Michael when I go over to his house tomorrow._

_“And raise his suspicions? Let him know that he didn’t kill me the first time?”_

_Holy fuck, what do you want?_

_“I want to help you.”_

“You want to help me?!” Jeremy yelled, sitting up. Realizing that his dad probably could hear the outburst, he went back to thinking at his SQUIP.

_You didn’t fucking help me, you probably gave me PTSD. I physically can’t look at Mountain Dew anymore._

_“I don’t understand. You wanted people to think you were cool, and you wanted Christine to like you. That’s what I gave you.”_

_Mind-controlling everyone so that they’re forced to like me is not the same as them actually liking me._

_“It’s not mind control it’s--”_

_Syncing with their SQUIPS and aligning their values to match mine? Sounds a lot like mind control to me. Just because someone wants something doesn’t mean that they will destroy everything else to get it. You should have known that I wasn’t okay with you taking away a person’s autonomy._

_“How was I supposed to know your order of priorities?”_

_You’re in my fucking brain._

_“You said I was supposed to help you get more popular. That was the goal you gave me.”_

_Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. We are getting nowhere._ Jeremy laid back down in bed, pulling the covers over his head. While it did nothing to physically block out the SQUIP, it conveyed the message well enough for the supercomputer to leave him alone. Temporarily, of course.

Jeremy tried his best to sleep, but with the return of the SQUIP there was just no way it was going to happen. He watched a couple episodes before he suddenly realized that he shouldn't keep this to himself. After checking to make sure it was dormant, he pulled out his phone.

 

**Mika**

[4:32 AM, Sunday]

 

Michael it’s back

I don’t know how but it’s back

I mean to be fair I didn’t really get how it died in the first place but still

 

Do you have more red juice

 

**Rich**

[4:34 AM, Sunday]

 

Hey it’s Jeremy idk if you have my number

I deduced yours from a couple group chats

 

Anyway

My squip is back

Apparently even tho it was synced with the other squips it didn’t die

Something about it being there longer than the others

But you’ve had yours for two years so

Just wanted to check in

 

You’re probably still sleeping now sorry

 

[7:01 AM, Sunday]

 

yo man u ok?

mines not thank god

but i will increase my mtn dew red intake anyway

Yeah who knows if I’m ok at this point

Not me! [thumbs up emoji]

dude thats not good

 

**Mika**

[9:20 AM, Sunday]

 

Oh fuck.

Yeah I have another bottle.

You do realize there's more at Spencer's Gifts?

So if you want to stock up in case it’s not permanent… you can do that.

God bless thanks mike

Jer…

Why were you up at 4:30 in the morning?

We both know the answer to that

See you @ lunch

The at sign isn’t any faster than just typing “at”

}:)

  


As he started to get ready to head over to Michael’s, the voice came back into his head. _“I wouldn’t drink it if I were you, Jeremy.”_ Jeremy had figured it would come back sooner or later, but it startled him all the same. He glared at the SQUIP’s manifestation.

 

_Well yeah you wouldn’t drink it because that’d be suicide._

 

_“Your phrasing implies that you’re okay with murdering me, but it seems my phrasing was flawed as well. What I meant was, you are not going to drink it. I won’t let you.”_

 

 _Sucks to suck._ Jeremy picked up a bottle of water and drank it, making eye contact with the SQUIP the whole time.

 

_“You know I can control you.”_

 

_Didn’t we already discuss how lack of personal autonomy is not acting in my best interest?_

 

_“My existence is for your best interest, so in this case, you’re wrong.”_

 

 _So you’re just gonna forget that one time when you almost let Chloe rape me._ It was the first time Jeremy let himself think the word. It wasn’t quite accurate, but it wasn’t inaccurate either.

 

_“I am sorry about that.”_

 

Jeremy’s temper rose, as did his thought-voice as he spoke to the SQUIP, _Really? Because I remember you being quite proud of yourself._

 

 _“I was… unaware of the emotional trauma it could cause.”_ Jeremy could hear the beginnings of remorse in the SQUIP’s tone, could see the SQUIP avoid eye contact and fidget. It was one of the first times he had seen it suggest it was even capable of emotion. However, Jeremy too was capable of emotion, and currently was rather full of anger.

 

_Bullshit. You were in my brain, you knew what was going on at the time, and you held me there._

 

 _“Okay, I was wrong, is that what you want me to say?”_ the SQUIP asked, throwing his arms in the air. When did the SQUIP become a he rather than an it?

 

_It’s not about what I want--_

 

_“Of course it’s about what you want. It’s always been about what you want.”_

 

Jeremy’s anger gave way to desperation. _Then what about when I wanted to get away from her? What about when I want to get away from you?_

 

Even though the SQUIP was merely a projection in Jeremy’s mind, he took a deep breath, trying to collect himself before he spoke. _“Then it’s about evaluating which of your conflicting desires is more important. I made the wrong choice that night, I see that now. But impulsively killing me? That will only satisfy a temporary desire, and then you will be left with nothing but the question of how your life could have been if you’d kept me around.”_ And fuck if he wasn’t right. Knowing that he had made his point, the SQUIP left Jeremy to finish getting ready.

 

**Mika**

[10:48 AM, Sunday]

 

Hey mikey,

Think i’ll be good without the mtn dew red


	2. Chapter 2

“What the hell do you mean you’re good without Mountain Dew Red?” was the first thing Jeremy heard when Michael opened the door. His face was flushed and eyebrows furrowed with worry. “Did the SQUIP force you to type that? I will fucking murder that thing for messing around with my best friend.”

 

“Chill, Michael,” Jeremy said, wincing at the word as it left his mouth. God, he really was traumatized from the whole experience. “He didn’t do anything, just made some good points.”

 

Michael stepped aside to let him into the house.“That parasite is trying to manipulate you into keeping it. You can’t trust anything it says.”

 

“He’s a supercomputer in my brain who knows more about myself than I do. I don’t like it either, but I also don’t want to wonder my whole life what would have happened if I hadn’t offed him. You know that it’s not about being cool. There’s just so much…”

 

Michael’s face softened into a concerned version of its usual shape. “I know, but I’m still worried.”

 

“Let’s wait two weeks, and then see what to do from there?” It was short enough that the end would be in sight the whole time, but long enough that if the SQUIP would probably raise a red flag by then if he was ill intentioned.

 

“Two weeks.” They interlocked pinkies, and the SQUIP rolled his eyes. “Now, let’s make some mac n cheese and you can tell me all about your date with Christine yesterday. You didn’t text me, I was surprised.” Michael turned to the kitchen, and Jeremy, suddenly feeling vulnerable, followed slowly behind.

 

“I don’t know Mika, it was weird.” Michael had just put the pot of water on the stove to boil when Jeremy spoke. He stopped immediately at the nickname and how broken Jeremy’s voice became and turned back to his friend.

 

“Miah?”

 

“I think something’s wrong with me. Like it was fun and all but, I don’t… I nearly destroyed the school trying to get this girl and now I…” Jeremy collapsed into the nearest chair, hiding his face in his hands as tears threatened to leak out. “Why don’t I want it anymore?”

 

“Hey, Miah, look at me,” Michael said, squatting down in front of Jeremy and holding both his hands. “You’re okay. There’s nothing wrong with you for not wanting to date Christine.”

 

Jeremy’s eyes remained shut. “But I want to want to. I’m supposed to want to."

 

“You can’t control what you feel, Jer. Did you talk about it to Christine at all?” Michael kept his voice even, void of judgement. This was why Michael was his best friend. He radiated comfort and could keep a level head. He was Jeremy’s rock.

 

“Yeah,” he sniffled, “she said it might have been a friend crush or something. But you saw me, I couldn’t talk to her for years.”

 

_“Yeah, you were kinda pathetic.”_

 

“Not helping, SQUIP,” Jeremy mumbled, not knowing if he wanted Michael to hear. He didn't seem to.

 

“Hey Jer. I’ll do some research on this friend crush thing, kay? For now let’s just eat some mac n cheese, that’ll make you feel better.” Michael stood up and with the lightest of tug on his arm, Jeremy followed limply.

 

“Sorry I’m such a hassle.”

 

“No, Miah, don’t say that.”

 

“What have I given you lately except for problems? SQUIP problems, girl problems, fucking abandoning you…” The words the SQUIP made him say those months ago ran through his head: _everything about me is just terrible._

 

“You have no clue how much I love you, do you?”

 

“You shouldn’t. I just make your life worse by being in it.” _Everything about me makes me wanna die._ He could see some sort of negative emotion flash across the SQUIP’s face out of the corner of his eye, but wasn’t looking too closely. He was a little busy specifically not making eye contact with either him or Michael.

 

“Jer,” Michael softly moved Jeremy’s head to look at him. “The worst thing would be for you not to be in it. We’re gonna get some mac n cheese, and then we’re gonna cuddle on the beanbag downstairs and you’re gonna get the TV remote. Is that okay?” Jeremy nodded his assent, which Michael made sure to get before he put the pasta in the water.

 

Things went exactly as Michael said, which Jeremy was grateful for, and he quickly found himself dozing off as Michael held him and Avatar the Last Airbender played in the background. He may have heard Michael quietly say “I know you can hear me,” or it may have been his imagination; he didn’t really trust voices to be real anymore.

 

It was the most restful sleep Jeremy had gotten since the play two weeks ago. He had no dreams, nightmarish or otherwise. When he awoke, however, he was quite disoriented. Michael was sleeping with an arm draped across Jeremy’s stomach, and a glance at his phone told him it was midnight. He had been sleeping for eleven hours.

 

 _“Michael spoke to me while you were sleeping. I have an apology to make.”_ The SQUIP was sitting next to the beanbag, staring at the edge of the rug.

 

_Go on._

 

_“I recognize that many of my actions were placing your wants above your needs. I knew you wouldn’t like my methods, but--”_

 

 _Why would you use those methods if you knew I wouldn’t like them?_ Jeremy interrupted. The SQUIP looked up at him and met his eye.

 

_“A shared negative opinion is the fastest social bond.”_

 

_That’s fucked up._

 

 _“May I finish?”_ Jeremy gestured vaguely, which the SQUIP interpreted as permission. _“I knew you wouldn’t like my methods, but I did not anticipate the issues they would cause, and so I apologize for any trauma that I may have caused you.”_

 

 _Thanks. I can’t forgive you yet, but…_ Jeremy trailed off, not knowing where he was going.

 

 _“I know.”_ The SQUIP put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder, squeezed it, then disappeared.

 

 _I wish I could disappear when situations got awkward,_ Jeremy thought to himself.

 

 _“Then you would stay invisible forever,”_ came the SQUIP’s incorporeal voice. _“Such as right about now, when you realize that you’re out past your curfew and you haven’t texted your dad.”_ Jeremy’s heart rate spiked and the SQUIP laughed, re-materializing right where he had been. _“Don’t worry, Michael talked to him. However, he does know now that you haven’t been sleeping well, so there’s that.”_

 

Jeremy softly shook Michael awake. Michael had always been a light sleeper, so it wasn’t hard. “I’m gonna head home. And you should go to sleep in an actual bed so you don’t wake up with a crick in your neck.”

 

“Noooooo don’t go.” Michael clung onto Jeremy tighter, and Jeremy laughed quietly.

 

“We have school in the morning, and all my stuff is at home,” he said, and Michael let him go with a grumble but didn’t move other than that. With one last fond look at Michael, Jeremy went back upstairs and walked the short distance home. He was freezing by the time he got home, having been prepared for daytime December weather, rather than midnight December weather. When he opened the door, his dad was awake and wearing pants. Almost immediately, Jeremy found himself wrapped in a warm hug.

 

“I thought we agreed that you can tell me things now.”

 

“I just didn’t want to worry you.”

 

“I’m your father, that’s my job” he said, releasing Jeremy with a clap on the shoulder. “I don’t suppose you’re gonna get any more sleep tonight?”

 

Jeremy shrugged. “I can try.” It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't a promise either. There was a high chance the nightmares would be back, now that he wasn't with Michael.

 

“Good, because I’m exhausted from staying up this late. See ya in the morning, slugger.” With that, Jeremy's dad disappeared into his room and Jeremy was once more alone with the SQUIP.

 

"Hey, uh. Do you think you could..." Jeremy said softly as he trudged into his room. Being in his brain, the SQUIP knew what he was asking.

 

_"Yes, I can cuddle with you if you think it'll keep the nightmares at bay."_

 

_Thanks. I think._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not expect this chapter to be ready by now and yet: here it is. As I have learned, comments greatly increase my motivation to write and thus increase how fast chapters come out.

According to Jeremy’s psychology class, you forget the last five minutes before you fall asleep, which is why many people with sleep apnea don’t realize it: they fall back asleep again in five minutes. This is also why Jeremy woke up quite confused to find the SQUIP spooning him. He quickly shoved the SQUIP off of him.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Jeremy asked the SQUIP.

 

 _“I’m only doing what you asked me to, Jeremy,”_ he replied with a chuckle. And the events of last night came flooding back in. It did work, Jeremy had to admit. Even after coming home from Michael’s, he still hadn’t had any nightmares. But there was no way this was happening again.

 

_How much did I sleep?_

 

_“Including your nap at Michael’s? Seventeen hours.”_

 

_Cool, enough to carry me through the rest of the week._

 

 _“Jeremy that is not how sleep works and you know it.”_ Without a good response to give the SQUIP, Jeremy stuck out his tongue. He’d inevitably get some sleep in the next week, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it. But screw his health, he wasn’t going to freaking cuddle with an imaginary friend in order to get all the sleep he needed.

 

_“Jeremy I am not imaginary. You can feel my touch because I literally trigger the neurons to fire--”_

 

 _You know that I know this. Shut up. We’re not cuddling._ To avoid the SQUIP’s persistence, Jeremy pulled out his math homework due later that day and quickly finished as much as he could. _Ugh I was really planning on doing this yesterday._

 

_“I’m sure your teachers will be glad you’ve caught up on some rest and can actually pay attention in class now.”_

 

_Still not cuddling._

 

Homework passed the time faster than talking to the SQUIP, and soon Jeremy found himself running out the door with no time to wank. Despite that, school was surprisingly not bad. Rich hovered over him, double checking constantly that he was okay. Michael doubled his usual physical contact. Brooke forced him to sit next to her in every class they had together.

 

“Guys, I’m better. I slept pretty much straight from lunch yesterday to 6:30 this morning,” he protested as Brooke insisted again on sitting next to him. Michael refused to let go of Jeremy, so she sat on his other side, stealing Rich’s seat. Rich didn’t even complain, just scooched over to make room.

 

“Let us worry about you,” Jake said, to Jeremy’s surprise. He hadn’t realized that even Jake was worried. “Rich is now probably going to fuss over you until we graduate, so you might as well get used to it.”

 

“Spilling all of my secrets, man. Rude.” Rich leaned across the table to steal some of Jake’s food as he spoke.

 

Even Chloe piped in her support in her own way. “I call dibs on Jer after school today,” she said, not looking up from her phone.

 

“I assume I have no say in the matter?”

 

“Nope. You’re getting a pedicure with me, I just booked it.”

 

When the bell rang and everyone headed off to class, Rich pulled Jeremy aside. “You sure you’re okay man? This isn’t about the being-so-tired-you’re-basically-a-zombie. I mean about th--”

 

“Yeah I know. It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’ll let you know if it’s getting out of hand at all. Or you can just force feed me red juice if you think I need it.” Then they hurried off to class, the knowledge that finals were next week looming over their heads.

 

 _“I’ve told you I’m not going to do anything like that again,”_ the SQUIP said as he approached his calc class.

 

_Yeah but from the sample size that I have do you get why I don’t believe you? Rich’s SQUIP made him beat me up and do other fucked up shit, you tried to take over the school, Jenna’s also tried to take over the school…_

 

_“For the record I have already apologized.”_

 

 _For the record I still haven’t forgiven you._ Jeremy opened the classroom door with more force than was strictly necessary, and had to hold the door to make sure it didn’t slam into the wall.

 

_“Yes, but part of an apology is trying to avoid creating a similar situation in the future.”_

 

_You know that I don’t believe you._

 

The SQUIP did not respond, likely because Jeremy had simply stated a fact. Or because he knew that the bell was about to ring and Jeremy should pay attention to the calculus class he had been all but sleeping through for the past two weeks. Having done the homework, he followed along better than he thought he would. At the SQUIP’s encouragement, he even asked a couple questions that helped bring him back up to speed with the rest of the class.

 

“I know I’m normally lax about late homework, but it’s the very end of the semester. Please make sure to do the practice test tonight. You won’t gain anything from class tomorrow if you don’t,” the teacher, Ms. Jacobs, said as she wrapped up class. There were still a couple minutes left, so other students socialized and slowly packed their bags as Ms. Jacobs approached Jeremy’s desk. “You’re looking a lot better than you have lately, Jeremy.”

 

Jeremy faked a smile. “Yeah, got a lot of sleep over the weekend.”

 

“Let me know if you need to go over anything again. It’s hard to absorb information when you’re not feeling well.”

 

 _“Your grade is at an 80.2%. Colleges care about the difference between a B- and a C+,”_ the SQUIP reminded him. The SQUIP had a nearly identical facial expression as Ms. Jacobs, and if it wouldn’t have made him look crazy, Jeremy would have laughed.

 

“I’ll let you know after the practice test if there’s anything I’m struggling with,” Jeremy replied, primarily to get the teacher to leave him alone. But the bell rang anyway, and Jeremy was free. Only one period left of the day, and it was a class he had with both Michael and Jake: history. He walked across the school at a brisk pace to make sure he could get there in time to sit with his friends.

 

Walking through school was different than before the SQUIP. People nodded hellos at him as they passed. He didn’t have to maneuver around people; they stepped aside for him instead. As much as Jeremy wanted to think of it as a failure, the fact of the matter was that it had caused Jeremy to befriend the popular group.

 

_“As I said, it’s always been about what you want.”_

 

_Please shut the fuck up._

 

As he entered the history classroom, Jeremy slumped into the seat his friends had saved for him. “Jake, please tell me you can do that thing where you say everything Mr. Frasier says except better,” he said.

 

“Yeah, I gotchu man.”

 

“According to the final grade calculator, I only need a 24.3% on the final to maintain my current grade,” Michael commented dryly, “so I’m gonna leave you two to your study session and dick around instead.” He opened his laptop.

 

“Abandoning me in my time of need, Mikey?” Jeremy draped himself over Michael, glancing at the computer screen as he did so. “Do you care about Club Penguin more than me?”

 

“Yes, that is why I’ve checked what grade Club Penguin needs on the final to keep a B,” Michael deadpanned.

 

“Wait seriously?”

 

Michael switched tabs on his laptop from Club Penguin to the RogerHub Final Grade Calculator, which had Jeremy’s grade plugged in. “You need a forty. You’ll be fine.”

 

“I think you overestimate how much history I know. Jake, can you summarize literally the past three weeks of class?”

 

“Three? It’s only been two weeks since--”

 

“Yeah but it’s not like I was gonna pay attention in class during tech week.” The rest of the period passed much like the beginning of it. They were supposed to be reviewing on their own, but pretty much no one was working. When the bell rang and the three of them left the classroom, Chloe was already outside the door.

 

“No, you’re not allowed to dip. We’re going.” And she dragged him by the wrist to her car. After he got back from that, Jake showed up at his doorstep to make sure he was caught up on history. Then Rich called and talked to him over an hour. And then he still had to take his practice test for calc.

 

Suffice it to say, by the time Jeremy was finally done for the day, he was exhausted. The day had seemed to be more full of stuff than usual, as great as his friends’ intentions were. He stared at his bed with apprehension.

 

_“Jeremy you need to sleep.”_

 

_I already told you, I’m not fucking cuddling with you._

 

 _“Especially after today, people are going to notice if you don’t get sleep.”_ The SQUIP wasn’t wrong. When even teachers can see that you’re less sleep deprived than you have been lately, it means that everyone is paying more attention to you.

 

 _I can do that on my own._ Jeremy knew it was a lie as he said it, but he wouldn’t lose the argument without a fight.

 

_“You can’t lie to me Jeremy, I’m inside your brain.”_

 

_...Just tonight._


	4. Chapter 4

To Jeremy’s dismay, it became a regular thing. “Just tonight” turned into “just this week” which turned into “yeah I guess sleep is important for finals week too.” It wasn’t the cuddling itself that Jeremy was wary of, but the knowledge that he was allowing himself to get more comfortable with the SQUIP. It opened up the door to being manipulated all over again. So as soon as all his tests were over, Jeremy drew the line.

 

He’d nearly forgotten how bad the nightmares were. He woke up sobbing after an hour and a half of sleep, certain that the electric shocks were real. Luckily, the SQUIP knew better than to try and comfort him. Jeremy stayed like that, curled up in the corner of his bed with tears streaming down his cheeks, for hours. He threw the covers off, got too cold, pulled them back up, and overheated.

 

**Mika**

[2:35 AM, Saturday]

 

So… I got somethin to confess

 

Remember when I stayed over that 1 time  
When I slept for like forever?  
Yeah so htat was bc u were cuddling me  
*that  
But yeah so um  
I kinda  
Uh  
Have had the squip cuddle me every night since then?  
Bc sleep is important  
But now that its break I don’t wanna do that anymore

 

Long story short the nightmares are back  
Just though u should know  
*thought

 

**Rich**

[2:54 AM, Saturday]

 

Hey you awake?

no

Rich  
Rich  
Rich  
Rich  
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiich

ugh what do u want

Talk to me abt smth

jer go to bed

Cant

ur the worst

Ik

ur not supposed to agree w me jeez  
fine u woke me up anywya

Yeet

…  
u do realize u can talk too rite  
this isnt gonna be a one-sided convo

Ur so needy

So who do you liiiiike?

jeremy are you 12

Yes

im not having this convo w u  
gnite

No rich don’t leav me  
*leave  
You don’t even have ot answer  
I know who it is already I just wanted to see you say it

try me bich

Jake

wrong i dont like anyone

Liar  
There’s a reason u realized u were bi like  
Right after the play  
And its cuz u got a crush

…  
maybe

YES IM RIGHT

if u breathe a word to anyone ill kill u  
and ur only half right anyway

Whats that supposed to mean?

wouldnt u like to no

Yeah I rly would

[zipped mouth emoji]

,,l,,

jer i love u and all  
but im gonna pass out any second

Ugh fine have fun sleeping

 

A glance at the top of his phone told Jeremy it was already 3:18. Three more hours until he could pretend to wake up.

 

 _“Jeremy, I think it’s time we talk.”_ The SQUIP sat on the edge of Jeremy’s bed like a concerned parent.

 

Jeremy pointedly started browsing Netflix. _Or we could not do that. I like that option._

 

 _“Ignoring the problem is a terrible coping mechanism. You have three options at this point: nightmares, cuddling, or actually dealing with the problem.”_ Jeremy hated when the SQUIP was right.

 

 _And how do you supposed I should deal with the problem?_ He snapped, looking up at the SQUIP with a remarkable steely gaze for someone so low on sleep. _Therapy? Because I’d be hard pressed to find a therapist who would take me seriously._

 

 _“By sorting out your issues with me.”_ The SQUIP remained calm as he spoke, which only served to further irritate Jeremy. _“I’ve already explained what I was trying to do and promised not to anything like that again. I have not once controlled your body since I reactivated, nor have I shocked you. But if you continue to resent me and fear me, the nightmares won’t stop.”_

 

 _How the fuck am I supposed to do that? You still might!_ In the back of his mind, Jeremy realized the SQUIP had a point and might be on his way to winning the argument, but he quickly shoved down that thought. He couldn’t give the tic-tac the satisfaction.

 

_“You might go back to choosing to be chill over being friends with Michael, yet he doesn’t think that’ll happen.”_

 

_Because he knows I regret that and that I’ve learned from my mistakes._

 

_“Exactly. What do you think artificial intelligence means, Jeremy? I have the capacity to learn.”_

 

 _But do you have the capacity to regret?_ Even though it was only in his mind, Jeremy’s tone was biting.

 

_“I… don’t know.”_

 

Jeremy paused. He didn’t know? The supercomputer was supposed to know everything, especially with regard to his own programming. The SQUIP continued, taking advantage of Jeremy’s hesitation. He should have known there was no room in the argument for pity.

 

_“My programming disincentivizes anything that will negatively impact your future. Ideally, this would prevent it from ever happening, but obviously, it did. With the newly acquired knowledge that acting without your consent produces negative effects, I am being disincentivized retroactively. I am incapable of emotion, lacking neurotransmitters of my own, but otherwise I would say it fits the definition of regret.”_

 

Jeremy had no clue what to do with that information. If he weren’t trying to avoid sleeping, he would take advantage of the opportunity to sleep. Aware of this, the SQUIP apparently decided that had been enough talking about the subject, as he blipped out of existence. His laptop screen had gone dark in the time he’s spent talking to the SQUIP, and so he woke it up and went back to browsing Netflix. Unsurprisingly, nothing caught his eye. He glanced at his phone. It was 3:32. Still three hours to go. He sighed, closing out of Netflix and opening Steam. If there was any way to kill time in the dead of night, it was video games.

 

But even video games could only keep him entertained for so long. The screen dried out his eyes, and every time he blinked, his eyes stayed shut for an instant longer. He cursed himself for adjusting to getting a regular amount of sleep. Jeremy was almost ready to give up when a text appeared on his phone.

 

**Jake**

[4:45 AM, Saturday]

 

Rich said to text you when I got up, you all good?

Oh shit what did he tell you

I’m taking that as a no  
He just said you need someone to talk to  
I didn’t expect you to respond right away im worried

Dude im fine im just pulling an all nighter  
Schools over, ya know?

:/ Yeah.  
School’s over.  
Which means you have no reason to pull an all-nighter.

Oh no jakes using periods  
U know he means business

If I had a party, that would have made sense.  
If you were doing homework, that would have made sense.  
If you were having a sleepover with Michael, that would have made sense.

Dude all these complete sentecnes are mildly terrifying  
And maybe I am at michaels house

If you were at Michael’s house, you’d be talking to him instead of me.

Ok maybe ur right

Of course im right  
Whoops I mean  
Of course I’m right.  
Now spill. What’s wrong?

Can u please stop w the proper grammar ur not michael  
I miss ur emojis

Yeah but u understand the point i needed to make w it  
And theyre emoticons not emojis get it right

Yea i know  
Ugh its just  
Don’t wanna sleep

Bro u gotta

But nightmares

Howd u do it for the past two weeks  
We all saw that u were not dead anymroe

Um.  
Uh.

Its chill if u don’t wanna say it :)  
But like pls tell me it wasn’t drugs or anything  
Cuz that aint it chief :/  
Even taking melatonin to go to sleep every night is bad for you  
Neurotransmitter production and all that

Yeah no dw

K good  
So whats up  
Anything specifc you wanna talk about

Nah son ur the one who texted me

Yeah cuz rich said u were lonely

He just didnt want me pestering him about boys

Boys?

Yeah i was trying to get him to tell me who he likes  
Bc when u suddenly realize ur not straight  
Its often bc of a crush

I mean not always  
Like I think i only realized i was pan when i realized it wasnt how everyone felt

Yeah but like thats kinda the point  
U didnt have a sudden realization like rich did

Tru  
So does that mean u have hot goss for me?  
:D

Ugh never say hot goss again  
And i will not betray rich like that

:(

We dont need rich to have a conversation about crushes

Yeah we kinda do :(

No we dont?  
Oh  
OH  
OH SHIT

Yepp :/  
For the record if u tell anyone i will castrate you

Obv

Ok now that we got that out of the way  
UGH hes so cute!!  
But like also hot  
:(  
My gay heart cant handle it

Whend it start

Like  
Right after the squip left  
Bc like we sorta had to get to know each other again  
And then it wasnt forcing him to be cool  
So he was less bro-y and more  
Ya know  
<3

Holy shit u got it bad

I do  
I rly do  
:’(  
Enough about me hbu?

whaaaat

Theres a reason u and chris didnt work  
U like someone else now

Maybe i was just too tired to enjoy the date

I call bs  
Cmon jer i told u who i like  
Do i have to guess?  
Is it me?

Omfg thats so egotistical  
No, u wish  
I’m still tryna figure it out myself

Who you like? Wouldnt u no that?

Why it didnt work out w christine  
If i like someone else  
All of the above

Oof  
Big oof

Ikr  
My fucking life is one entire oof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I get carried away w/ text convos. I know it's lazy writing. Also: no one can tell me that Michael doesn't type with proper grammar; he uses the word "whereupon" in canon


End file.
